Written by Pam Fischer-Dale
Member of Content Creator and The VIP Life Pro Membership
I’ve had to do a LOT of work on myself in order to get to where I am today.
Back in 2008, I was telling myself some not-so-nice things about me. I didn’t even realize that my negative self talk had started. I just figured I was depressed because multiple things were going wrong in my life. My network marketing business that I had built so passionately was going south. My team was disappointed in me. I was single after yet another breakup. I didn’t have the baby that I desperately wanted. I was divorced after a short-lived marriage.
Because of this, I allowed myself to feel ashamed, embarrassed, inadequate and lonely. I remember saying “I feel like such a loser”, “they must think I’m so lame”, “what will people think”, “I’ll never meet anyone good”. All these negative statements going through rotation in my head.
Gosh, if I knew then what I know now, I would have been able to avoid YEARS of that nonsense!
But I was paralyzed by my “woe is me” state and was clueless about how to pivot out, so eventually my business did crumble. As an entrepreneur, it’s almost impossible to grow and thrive when your energy is negative and you’re vibing at a low level. My mindset was too sour to focus on rebuilding my team, so I sadly gave up on my self-employment dream and went back to work in corporate high tech, with my tail between my legs.
I know — depressing, right? It pains me to reflect back on that time, because my life and mindset are in such the opposite place now! I wish that the Pam of today could grab my former Pam by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, saying “Snap out of it! There is a way to fix this RIGHT NOW! Pay attention! Here are the steps to pull yourself together!”
But five years went by. At the beginning of 2013, I was finally ready to take my personal life by the horns. I made the biggest decision of my life: to pursue my dream of becoming a mom. I wasn’t going to let that dream slip through the cracks simply because I hadn’t met Mr. Right. So I embarked on my brave IVF journey. I didn’t go this journey alone — I had bold and badass girlfriends who encouraged me, a very supportive family, and the most wonderful and optimistic fertility doctor coaching me through every step of the way. I surrounded myself with people who were positive and believed in me and my desired outcome. After one round, a miscarriage, and mustering up the strength to try again, I achieved a succesful pregnancy. In May of 2014, I gave birth to my sweet baby boy Charlie.
That was my massive moment of impact in my life. I finally had my big reason WHY I needed to succeed and thrive. My desire to give my son the best upbringing was so huge that I was willing to be braver, stronger and work with more intention than ever before. I wanted to create the most amazing and happy life for my boy and teach him about the world through opportunities, travel and experiences.
Because of this desire, I was finally willing to face my secret insecurities and fears and be coachable. The necessity and drive was there for me to learn how to become the best version of me. In other words, I was ready to embark on the personal development work that was required in order to create the change I wanted.
The first step was to revisit my network marketing business, because it could be a vehicle for achieving time freedom. I knew that for a fact because my friends who had stuck with it and not quit were making more money working part time that I was with my six figure job working 60+ hours a week! So I called my upline and said was willing to be coachable and learn the steps for success, because it would eventually be my way out of my job so I could be actively raising my son.
One of the first things my upline told me to do was to enroll in a one-day personal development summit with a “mindset coach”. I was a bit resistant because it was a Saturday away from my baby and what the heck was a “mindset coach”, and why did that have anything to do with me building my business?
Turns out it had absolutely everything to do with me rebuilding my business and my self confidence! That day was the turning point in my career because I walked away with the realization that if I’d had these tools five years earlier, I would have been proactive when the going got tough, rather than crawled under a rock and let things fail.
From that day forward, I poured into self-development books, audios, and coaching. I actually fell in love with personal growth and allowed myself to go through a huge transformation.
I rebuilt my network marketing business to bigger than it ever was, have an amazing global team, was able to leave my corporate job. I even ended up meeting and marrying the man of my dreams! I realized I had a gift for coaching others and helping people get out of their own way, and so thanks to my business coach Danny’s awesome encouragement, I decided to become a professional coach! A year ago, I became a Certified High Performance Coach™ and have helped so many clients of mine level up their personal and business lives as a result.
Together, we’ve written their stories and reframed their thinking!
Those limiting beliefs caused me depression, stress, anxiety and stifled my energy, and for years prevented me from living my most fully charged life. So my mission is to help people see the truth in their potential and stop telling themselves lies about their potential!
So I wanted to share 3 important steps that you can take today — immediately — to rewrite your story:
- Write a list of all the unkind or negative things that you’ve been telling yourself.
“I’m feeling a little blah today”
“I am so stressed/anxious”
“I feel so lame”
“What will they think about me losing my title?”
“I am not worthy of success”
Keep your list going, get it all out on paper.
You may have to dig deep because some of them you’ve been saying to yourself for so long that they are feeling like truths, and you’re not even realizing they are lies! Once you have your list, acknowledge that these thoughts were not serving you. They were either negative, mean, untrue, or fabricated in your own head.
- Next to each unkind statement, write a new empowered statement that reframes things positively and optimistically.
“I’m feeling a little blah today” → “It’s going to be a great day! I feel vibrant, optimistic and driven by my love to help and encourage others.”
“I am so stressed/anxious” → “I am in charge of my emotions, and know that what I focus on becomes more of my reality. I choose to focus on what I am grateful for: my family, my dear friends, my perseverance, my courage, and creating more of what I love.”
“I feel so lame” → “I am so proud of my willingness to fail and learn from life!”
“What will they think about me losing my title?” → “I am going to be the most relatable and approachable coach to my team and others because I learned how to overcome setbacks! My story will help so many!”
“I am not worthy of success” → “The money I make will allow me to focus on being the best me, so that in turn I can help so many others.”
- Combine these into a paragraph that you can read out loud to yourself every single morning when you wake up (and as many more times a day as you need to… do it whenever a negative thought about yourself pops up!)
Example of a daily affirmation:
“It’s going to be a great day! I feel vibrant, optimistic and driven by my love to help and encourage others. I am in charge of my emotions, and know that what I focus on becomes more of my reality. I choose to focus on what I am grateful for: my family, my dear friends, my perseverance, my courage, and creating more of what I love. I am so proud of my willingness to fail and learn from life! I am going to be the most relatable and approachable coach to my team and others because I learned how to overcome setbacks! My story will help so many! And the money I make will allow me to focus on being the best me, so that in turn I can help so many others.
I urge you to do this exercise. And then start reading it aloud every day, as many times as you need to! Your self talk affects you more than you know. As a Certified High Performance Coach, I see this happening all the time with my clients. I will catch them saying something like “I can’t close anyone lately”. I kindly interrupt them and say, “stop right there — do you hear what you are saying about yourself? How can we reframe that? That self talk is not serving you.”
Did you realize that even the world’s highest performers have struggles and setbacks? YEP, they do. It’s called LIVING LIFE! Life is full of setbacks. Just ask any successful entrepreneur, and they’ll probably chuckle and give you a laundry list of things that would have killed their progress if they’d let it. You don’t get to greatness without some failures! But the key is that you learn how to pivot in the moment, not take it personally, and as yourself how you want to show up in that moment. How would your best self show up right now? If you were a high performance coach, how would you coach your client to show up in that moment?
The ironic thing is that as I sat down to finish this post, I was having a bit of a “funky” afternoon. Who knows if I was tired, hormonal or what? LOL. So to this day, I have to continually apply this best practice to my life. I have to take a negative feeling and reframe it into a positive. And I will never stop doing this and teaching this, because I know that it works!
I’d love to hear how this works for you. Please reach out and say hello at firstname.lastname@example.org and share your new, empowered statements with me! I promise you it will make all the difference.
Written by Pam Fischer-Dale
Certified High Performance Coach™ and Network Marketing Leader
PS. If you would like to benefit from working with The VIP Life, the world’s first and only supplier member of the DSA, reach out to the Founder Danny Clarke by email email@example.com or visit the web pages for Content Creator and Pro Membership by clicking on the link.